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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

 When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'



 An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they

decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to

dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

 Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject

of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked,  rather trustingly.

 "Well" - she says, responding very carefully - "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently."

 The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking over his

glasses, he looked her in the eye casually asking, "Was that one word or  two?"
 

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the

 front door, who do you let in first?

 The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach .
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. 
The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No," so she
gave him a hug and walked on. 
The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said "No," so she gave 
him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman walked over to him and whispered in his ear "Have you
 ever been f****d?"
The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No"

She said "You will be when the tide comes in"

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street

 with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,

he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't

expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I

tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing

and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a

hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said,      "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there

will be sex here at seven o'clock every  night... whether you're

here or not."

(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)

 

Marriage  Part  2,   3   &  4  coming over the next 3 weeks .... Don't  miss  it.

APPLIES IN AUSTRALIA TOO >>>>>>>

Canadian Health Care

Two patients limp into two different Canadian medical clinics with
the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require
a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same
day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an
appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then
gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally
has his surgery scheduled for a year from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever; the second is a Senior Citizen.


 



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